Monday, July 09, 2007

Top Ten List

Top Ten Reasons Why Writing as a Profession Rocks

1) You can be successful without having to deal with the pesky fame part of it. Worried about being too brilliant and getting mobbed at the Jiffy Lube? No worries...unless you are J.K. Rowling, of course.

2) The average professional baseball player's career only lasts 6.5 years. As a writer, you don't have to be concerned about physical injury derailing your career. You can work your knotty little arthritic fingers to the bone well into your nineties. (Bar the deformities such as your ass becoming the size and shape of your computer chair)

3) Afraid that you won't hear enough stories about your nutter friends and relatives? No need to worry. As soon as you tell them you're writing a book, you will have stories coming out of your ears.

4) What other job is there that you can work in your underwear and fuzzy bunny slippers?

5) Hearing voices and arguing amongst yourselves are considered valuable tools of the trade.

6) The fan mail is nice, yes...but more importantly are the helpful souls out there that selflessly scour your books for inaccuracies or other things that may accidentally conjure up the devil, and expend a great deal of effort coming up with career matches that would better suit you such as a vacuum cleaner sales representative...or perhaps, just the vacuum cleaner.

7) Writers don't have to worry about becoming complacent and taking things for granted such as new cars, diamond studded socks or a private island getaway. (Again, unless you're J.K. Rowling)

8) Rejection. It's addicting. Better than crack. Don't believe, try it--

Dear Reader,

Although I appreciate you taking the time to read this blog, I'm afraid your blue moon rising just doesn't coincide with my sparkly fairy tattoo. Good luck placing your foot elsewhere.

Having flash backs yet?

9) You get to make your own schedule, which forces you to be highly organized, disciplined and free from any and all procrastination tendencies. In other words...perfect.

10) After creating a three hundred plus page story-- filled with places and people that don't really exist, powered by events that never really happened--coming up with a story about the gallon of missing mint chocolate chip ice cream that was just bought two days ago is a piece of cake!


bella said...

Love it!
I laughed with the horror of recognition and the delicious reminder of the insane thrill that comes from living this life of a writer. It has a way of making all things interesting.

Shawn said...

Ha! Very funny. And, since my girls won't take this afternoon's nap, I needed the laugh.

Shannon said...

Ah, Bella-I see you've had to come up with your own missing icecream scenarios, eh? he he

Shawn- I actually just had the boys to the Dr. for their 18 month check up and the paper he gave me said this is a time where your baby may be "transitioning" from two naps to one. Ha, they're funny, right?

J Erwine said...

Those are great. Thanks for posting it!

Shannon said...

Thanks, j- I was worried people would take me the wrong way, as if I'm cynical already or something. he he

Anonymous said...

Huh...gonna have to git me a pair o'them fuzzy bunny slippers. Have to be careful about other apparel, though, as I tend to write first drafts lying on the carpet...and rug burns are a serious consideration for me as a writer. I gave up trying to explain them a long time ago. Instead, just make up a story! Ha!

B.E. Sanderson said...

That was great, Shannon. I don't think it was cynical at all. Just fun.

In my case, it's not so much the missing ice cream as the missing leftovers. I eat my sweets at night, but I like leftovers for breakfast. Weird, I know, but true. I keep telling myself I had an early lunch. ;o)

Shannon said...

LOL, Christian! u funny :-)

MMM, Beth...cold pizza for breakfast. I'm having college flashbacks.

Gary said...

This is great stuff. I need to borrow it from you and post on my wall for a laugh when the reality of it all hits home! Kudos.