Present Tense

I've just finished going back through what I have done so far and changing the tense from past to present. I realize this isn't the traditional tense for a work of fiction and I swear I'm not trying to follow some trend or be overtly literary. I did it because I want the reader to experience the impact of the events as they happen. It's a near future story, so it just didn't seem to be working as a story that's already over. Here's the difference:

Already happened:

Points of light giggled furiously, winking in and out of existence, twinkling like some mad, colorful acid trip. Safia pulled back a little, using her consciousness like a fine, focusing knob. Patterns emerged, knots of 3-D hexagons and pentagons reflecting electric blues, crystalline yellows. She pulled back more, opening up to a wider, softer landscape of strange fuzzy shapes swimming in random jerking motions amid liquid currents. One more adjustment. Ah, there it was. She moved around it, examining its borders, folding it into her mind to process the new data.

vs.

Happening:

Points of light giggle furiously, winking in and out of existence, twinkling like some mad, colorful acid trip. Safia pulls back a little, using her consciousness like a fine, focusing knob. Patterns emerge, knots of 3-D hexagons and pentagons reflecting electric blues, crystalline yellows. She pulls back more, opening up to a wider, softer landscape of strange fuzzy shapes swimming in random jerking motions amid liquid currents. One more adjustment. Ah, there it is. She moves around it, examining its borders, folding it into her mind to process the new data.

Subtle, I know...but, it feels right.