Monday, December 10, 2007

Personal Meaning & Sincere Wishes for You

I know I've been quiet here lately. Quiet and getting quieter. Unfortunately, I think it's my response to outside activity increasing. The holidays. The family. The upcoming travel plans. It's all overwhelming. The noise levels are too high, the lights are too bright, the expectations of fun and happiness are too much. I feel like a startled rabbit ready to bolt to a dark corner at any moment. Can you say introvert, anyone?

So, going inward because outward is feeling very toxic, I started wondering what exactly do the holidays mean to me?

I know some of my friends use this time to celebrate the birth of Christ, some use it to celebrate Hanukkah, some just to be with family or try to find some meaning within their family's traditions. I get it, I feel the excitement for them, but I also feel a bit like I'm watching all this from a window and it isn't touching me.

Growing up, my family had traditions--yes, but my family is now defunct; each in their own space rebuilding their lives with different people. So, it is up to me to salvage what traditions I deem important and meaningful and integrate them into the family I have made.

What do I deem important? I don't know. What the freak does this holiday season even mean to me? I don't know anymore. I mean, let's break down Christmas: The date of December 25th stems from the feast of the Son of Isis, St. Nicholas is a borrowed idea from the patron saint of Russia and the Christmas tree was considered a pagan symbol until the 16th century Catholic church was kind enough to wave in it. It's a smorgasbord of cultural customs and beliefs that have nothing to do with mine.

In order to not feel like a fraud for covering our entire house, fence, shed and dog in blinking colored lights, I had to find meaning. Meaning on a deadline. Not too difficult, right?

Luckily, today the temperatures climbed to the mid-70's here and I found a starting point in my quest. Today was a reprieve, a much needed unthawing from the shocking thirty degree weather last week. Being able to sit outside and feel the sun warming my skin was truly a gift, a break, a holiday from the emotional struggle cold weather brings for me.

This word kept sticking in my mind.


It's a vacation, a break from work, from the struggle of day to day things. It's a sanctioned rest. This is something I can relate to, something I can get excited about. A holiday.

So, this is what I'm building on. This notion of a holiday.

It is beginning to feel a lot like peace.

So, that is what I wish for you all, no matter what you are celebrating this month...that you find rest, stillness and peace.

Happy Holidays!


bella said...

You've given such good food for thought.
Holiday. Rest. reprieve.
Peace to you.

Gary said...

I seem to be enduring with life what you are enduring about the season... wondering when I will get my chance at a sunny, warm day. A reprieve. A rest. A holiday. I could sure use one of those--one word that sticks to my mental palate and demands an audience with my gut and soul.

Perhaps next Christmas. This one is a non-combatant experience for me. Too much going on besides. Too many past deadlines demanding I get it in gear... several years ago. I wish you and yours the best this time around. You're certainly a friend that is always thought of first. A small victory your one word brings, but one that warms my heart for you.

Anonymous said...

Beautifully and completely expressed. Peace without meaning. The true meaning is always hidden in plain sight. And I don't think that any of us feel any differently. Isn't it amazing what pain we cause ourselves this time of year in the name of peace?

Shawn said...

And, let's not forget that every day can be a holiday, and should be, especially when two little creatures are stirring around the clock 365.

Peace, more peace and even more peace to you this year.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like both you and Gary need a dandelion break.

Moanna said...

I hadn't thought about it but that's what the day means to me too. A day of rest, a break from work.

Anonymous said...

You do realize that we're expecting a post from you before the new year, don't you? :~)