Winter. Not my favorite season. The only way I can escape the cold is to move inward. Here's a question I found lurking there: Are you really ready to a published writer? If your agent called you today and said "so-and-so-big-shot-publisher loves your novel--would you be ready to say "my dream has finally come true, I'm so happy!" (And really mean that?) I didn't like the answer I found.
No. I'm not ready.
Sure, I feel like I've struggled with my writing for a long time, I've put in the work, the effort...I have the drive, the passion...I could definitely appreciate being paid for my writing, or at least have my vision validated by being accepted by others. So, why am I not ready?
Here's an exercise for you. Think back five years ago. Where were you? What were your dreams or goals? What "if only" were you banking your happiness on? "I would be happy "if only" I were out of debt? "If only" I had a good relationship..."if only" I could loose ten pounds?
My "if only" from five years ago has happened. So, am I happy? Well, no, not really. I have a real problem with moving on to the next goal without being grateful for reaching the first one. Yes, I do think this is part of human nature. We are not satisfied with where we are in life because we have the ability to visualize our future. We need to strive, to improve ourselves and our situations. The problem with this is when we live for the next goal, the "down the road", we are not living in the now. We are not appreciating the now. The now is our future five years ago.
This is why I don't feel I'm ready. This goal is so important to me, I don't want it fulfilled until I can truly appreciate it. I want to be able to embrace it, experience it and be grateful in that moment without immediately replacing it with "now I have to worry about writing another one". The only way I can think of to do this is to start appreciating where I am immediately. What is there to appreciate as an unpublished writer?
Lots, really. Just being able to write, to do what I love to do. No pressure. Just write. It's a beautiful feeling. True happiness. Appreciating the now.
I write what I want to read, but does anyone else?
10 hours ago